Dear Chrissyfur,
I work at a mid-sized law firm in Ottawa. I started here about 3 years ago and I’ve been climbing up the ranks …
For those of you who enjoyed my advice column on The Setbacks web site I’ve decided to introduce my own brand of personal advice here …
If you’ve Googled “How To Kill A Maenad” or “How Do You Kill Maryann Forrester from True Blood?” then I have good news for you. You have come to the right place. This is directed to all the True Blood fans in Ottawa who essentially put their Sunday nights on lock between 9-10.
This is the bottom line. You can’t kill a Maenad. Maryann Forrester is immortal, and Sam Merlotte has every reason to run. Here’s some clarification on what she is, who she is, and how she is presented in the books by Charlaine Harris, the author of Living Dead in Dallas, the book series that True Blood is based on.
What is a Maenad?
I’ll summarize it here. Maenads were the handmaidens of Dionysus, the Greek God of excess, alcohol, and sex. They were essentially his groupies. His stark raving mad groupies. Think the Beatles, and all of those frenzied girls in Dodger stadium going bananas. This would be an accurate comparison to the kinds of parties that Dionysus used to throw and how these women would react as soon as they got a whiff of his Axe body spray. Suffice it to say, there was a lot more than music going on at these ancient parties. It was more like a lot of sex, booze, and murder. Ritualistic sacrificial murder. The Romans also referred to Dionysus as Bachhus, the drunken God of wine, as some of you may know him if you ever studied the Iron Age’s mythology. She can’t be killed or reasoned with. Legend suggests that Dionysus made these handmaidens immortal, like him, as companions, and to collect tributes to him, in the form of sacrifice, and in an effort for his legacy not to be forgotten through time, when the world of man changed. She’s older than everyone in True Blood…Godric, Eric, Jesus, you name it. She’s been around forever. That’s the story of what a Maenad is according to Greek mythology, but there are theories that she is also what early man perceived as the embodiment of evil and lack of control. They even intimate on the show that she has a variety of different names…interesting angle.
She attacked Sookie as a gesture to Eric Northman, as he owns Fangtasia, an establishment that sells alcohol. She seeks followers to gain sacrifice for the God she still worships, and essentially acts as an ambassador for. In the show, Eric doesn’t seem to be able to put his finger on who attacked Sookie when she describes her exchange with the beast in the forest, however, in the books, Eric clearly is not aware of what these creatures are capable of, but had had an encounter with one in 1800’s, in Russia, that saw him and some other vampires forced to stake one of their own who had gone mad after coming into contact with a Maenad. In the books, the vampires concede and pay tribute, realizing they are up against a force more powerful than they could have imagined.
Bon Temps is screwed. However, as for those of you who saw last week’s True Blood, Sookie has some ability to physically thwart Maryann, or at least throw her off. I have no idea what this is, but it’ll be interesting to find out. I’m certain that will play some angle tonight..hopefully. Television, even cable television doesn’t follow the scrip to the ‘T”, because then everything would be too predictable.
I had the pleasure of eating at Luxe Bistro last night, and left with the opinion that this is one of Ottawa’s best restaurants. I’m sure that will piss of some of Ottawa’s more well known foodies who swear by the Gastropub or Beckta (also excellent establishments). What I really like about the restaurant, besides it’s convenient location, is the French brasserie feel. It’s just a cool spot, and doesn’t come off as pretentious.
Our waiter and sommelier, Neil Gowe, provided friendly and knowledgeable service, and paired a fantastic Argentinian wine with my main course of Steak Frites. The whole table was talking about his selection, as two of us had the Steak Frites. I also had the opportunity to meet with Duane Keats, who is the executive chef there.
If you’re going here, you have to try the fish chowder as an appetizer. One of the best I have ever had. Dinner is pricey, but worth it in my opinion. I know Luxe had a bit of a rocky start, but that seems to have worked itself out as I found this to be worth the money. Has anyone tried Stella Osteria? This is one of the other restaurants that the Firestone Group has in it’s roster besides the Blue Cactus.
August 29, 2009 @ 11:14 pm
Matt Wallace from Ottawa. What’s up homey? Thanks for your support.
Olivia Quesnel from Ottawa threw her support behind the movement. Thank you.
Vince Playboy from Toronto. I have no idea who you are, but thank you for the $5.00 and no, unfortunately, I can’t make it out to the LADEEEZ NIGHT at Slick Night Club tomorrow.
Courtney Johnston sent $10.00. Thank you.
Felix from Aylmer sent $2.00 and an email of what I’m pretty sure are his genitals. Thanks I guess.
June 23, 2009 @ 11:23 am
Dear friends,
Today was the day that we launched www.chrisneedsaniphone.com
I need everyone to change their Facebook statuses to “www.chrisneedsaniphone.com”
I need you to tweet “www.chrisneedsaniphone.com”.
I need you to secure a small note to the leg of a pigeon or dove, saying “www.chrisneedsaniphone.com”, and release it into the air, hoping that it finds someone, who will do the first two things.
We’re making progress. We’ve received $30 just this morning. That’s almost 1% of our goal.
Victor Anderson of North Gower, Ontario submitted the image of the iPhone ONLY WITH THE BLACKBERRY Operating System. Funny joke Victor…ugh…I guess. This is actually my personal nightmare.
ANYWAYS.
We’ve raised $130. Thanks to Trevor Kealey of Ottawa for helping us with a $100 USD donation. We’re now at 13% of our goal.
I thought I would point out a couple of things that went wrong with my Blackberry Storm the moment I pulled it out of the box.
1. The battery wasn’t charged. NOT GOOD.
2. Bell asked me to renew for 10 years, initially. I negotiated with them, and strategically worked them down to a three year term.
3. The touchscreen “click” I was supposed to be hearing was initially a farting noise (ringtone). Obviously someone tampered with this box.
4. I downloaded a ringtone that was supposed to be “Boys of Summer” by Don Henley and ended up being “In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins.This ringtone was supposed to be coupled with my friend Don’s contact whenever he called. I didn’t want the hassle of working this out, so everytime Don calls, I have to remind myself that it’s DON, and not my buddy PHIL. (I’m clenching my fists as I write this).
5. The phone’s desktop picture was someone’s Acura.
Obvious proof of the inferiority of this product. Let’s do this everyone. LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
As for my destruction of the Storm, I am planning on using Roman Candles. Interested? Hit the chip in button.
Sincerest Best Wishes,
Chris
Hey Everyone,
Chris here. I’m sharing some emails with you, that I literally just received. It’s all about support here.
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Yo,
If you get an iPhone out of this, you need to start up another campaign for a car. Like an Altima.
Ziad
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Hi Chris,
Bou Clair doesn’t make donations to charitable organizations unless they are registered as such with the Canada Revenue Agency. Unfortunately, we won’t be able to help you out with this, and it’s no longer neccessary to call.
Best of luck,
Lorraine
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Hi Chris,
My Storm had been permanently stuck in the web browser for about a month. This thing is total crap.
I brought it back to Bell, and they hooked me up with an Motorola phone, and they rule. Super good phone.
-Adrian
These emails just prove that this is a movement that can only grow. Together, and with focus and discipline, we can get me an iPhone.
June 23, 2009 @ 8:49 am
