I had the pleasure of eating at Luxe Bistro last night, and left with the opinion that this is one of Ottawa’s best restaurants. I’m sure that will piss of some of Ottawa’s more well known foodies who swear by the Gastropub or Beckta (also excellent establishments).  What I really like about the restaurant, besides it’s convenient location, is the French brasserie feel. It’s just a cool spot, and doesn’t come off as pretentious.

Our waiter and sommelier, Neil Gowe, provided friendly and knowledgeable service, and paired a fantastic Argentinian wine with my main course of Steak Frites. The whole table was talking about his selection, as two of us had the Steak Frites. I also had the opportunity to meet with Duane Keats, who is the executive chef there.

If you’re going here, you have to try the fish chowder as an appetizer. One of the best I have ever had. Dinner is pricey, but worth it in my opinion. I know Luxe had a bit of a rocky start, but that seems to have worked itself out as I found this to be worth the money. Has anyone tried Stella Osteria? This is one of the other restaurants that the Firestone Group has in it’s roster besides the Blue Cactus.

Dear friends,

Today was the day that we launched  www.chrisneedsaniphone.com

I need everyone to change their Facebook statuses to “www.chrisneedsaniphone.com”

I need you to tweet “www.chrisneedsaniphone.com”.

I need you to secure a small note to the leg of a pigeon or dove, saying “www.chrisneedsaniphone.com”, and release it into the air, hoping that it finds someone, who will do the first two things.

We’re making progress. We’ve received $30 just this morning. That’s almost 1% of our goal.

Victor Anderson of North Gower, Ontario submitted the image of the iPhone ONLY WITH THE BLACKBERRY Operating System. Funny joke Victor…ugh…I guess. This is actually my personal nightmare.

ANYWAYS.

We’ve raised $130. Thanks to Trevor Kealey of Ottawa for helping us with a $100 USD donation. We’re now at 13% of our goal.

I thought I would point out a couple of things that went wrong with my Blackberry Storm the moment I pulled it out of the box.

1. The battery wasn’t charged. NOT GOOD.

2. Bell asked me to renew for 10 years, initially. I negotiated with them, and strategically worked them down to a three year term.

3. The touchscreen “click” I was supposed to be hearing was initially a farting noise (ringtone). Obviously someone tampered with this box.

4. I downloaded a ringtone that was supposed to be “Boys of Summer” by Don Henley and ended up being “In The Air Tonight” by Phil Collins.This ringtone was supposed to be coupled with my friend Don’s contact whenever he called. I didn’t want the hassle of working this out, so everytime Don calls, I have to remind myself that it’s DON, and not my buddy PHIL. (I’m clenching my fists as I write this).

5. The phone’s desktop picture was someone’s Acura.

Obvious proof of the inferiority of this product. Let’s do this everyone. LET’S GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

As for my destruction of the Storm,  I am planning on using Roman Candles. Interested? Hit the chip in button.

Sincerest Best Wishes,
Chris

I thought I’d take the opportunity to ACTUALLY examine Father’s Day, and just how many poor men this keeps out of the appreciation circle. I find anything “exclusive” to certain people to be suspect….like Curves.

Father’s Day is a good holiday, however, there are a few recognizable people in our pop culture that it clearly isolates because of their personal situations. Whatever the reason, they’re still DADS, and I’m motivated RIGHT NOW to blow the dust off of this habit we all have of leaving these people out of the opportunity to be celebrated for being the father figures they are, regardless of their personal situations.

Listen. Yes he’s a Sith. Yes, he wiped out a bunch of junior Jedis. Yes, he technically was directly responsible for the death of Mace Windu. Yes, he also telepathically strangled his girl, which inadvertently triggered the birth of his twins….BUT….Annakin Skywalker (a.k.a. Darth Vader) is still a Dad. This is a perfect example of intergalactic baby drama if you ask me. DV, as he’s affectionately called by his friends, is actually a tender, and intended to be involved father. He’s a regular guy like any of us. Pictured above, he was outside after a court appearnace to see if he could get an access schedule that worked for everyone. He’s been working hard to show the family court system that he’s volunteering, he’s learning French, and he’s capable of handling parental duties like cooking meals, and driving Luke and Leah to school in the Sith interceptor. His preparation of a lunch of Pillsbury Pigs-In-A-Blanket with his lightsaber didn’t go over well with the kids’ guardians, and his choice of employer isn’t boding well for our favorite man in black, but geez…he’s trying. When the judge asked him if he intended to switch careers into something a little more suitably appropriate as a role model, he only stammered and said he didn’t have much of a choice, and that the empire facilitated his lifestyle. Maybe not a wise choice in front of a judge….but we should give it up for the man. It IS Father’s Day. What’s a Dad gotta do to have 2 horus alone with his kids. Maybe take them to a museum. Is this too much to ask?

Daniel Hilliard is a good man. Yes he couldn’t hold down a job to save his life, but he obviously went to great lengths to see his children, even if those lengths included dressing up as a woman to be with them, and essentially duping the entire family as he simultaneously earned their precious trust. Yes…it was a doozy when all was said and done and his true identity was revealed, but this man’s admittedly poor series of decisions shouldn’t exclude him from the best day in the world. Think about it, judge. Let the man take his brood to McDonald’s for an afternoon – what do you think? Clear lack of respect for the initial ruling of limited access until he got his shit together? Maybe….but C’MON!?

It was an unfortunate incident with Jack Torrance. He admits it. The fact is, Danny has an amazing ability, and he thinks that maybe if he could just get some time with his son, that they could start a business maybe, get some cash together….maybe clean up his act, and put the whole thing behind them. It’s all about looking to the future right – both literally and figuratively.

These are but just a few examples of perhaps what we should look at as considered exceptions… everyone deserves a fresh start sometimes. Maybe not Torrance…but the point has been made, I think.

Ok…here goes.

In an effort to simply observe and report what is active and prolonged cases of extreme bad taste in individuals in the media spotlight, I’ve started a new category on the Five O’Clock Track Tream. It’s called “Douche Alert”. FYI…when the post says “Xtreme Douche Alert”, it requires you to quite literally put down whatever the hell it is that you’re doing…like I don’t care if you’re getting surgery…and check this out.

Criss Angel. Arguably a good magician, but agreeably by all of humanity, caught in a vortex of thinking he’s in Motley Godsmack, and at this point, a douche in the form of a mid 40’s looking dude to lay as many Playboy bunnies as possible before teleporting himself back to “joisey” to retire as the old Greek man that he will become. Is he an entertainment liability? Yes….but his existence is required to ensure we have a visual reference for reasons as to why our children should at least get their high school diplomas and not get caught up in the popularity game in high school. If my parents had shown me this, there is a good chance I would not have quit University to pursue a career as a drummer in a rock band.

Just watch this video – hurry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTVFvavwNdg&eurl=http://azizisbored.tumblr.com/

25. I once saved my sister’s life in Italy. It wasn’t the first time I did this. I also saved her life when she tried to swallow a penny. I did not administer the Heimlich Maneouver. Instead… I mimicked a fight move by I learned in Street Fighter 2 and my Dad was less than enthused.

24. I love Chuck Klosterman books.

23. Steel Panther is the greatest band in the world. Go and fuck yourself if you think otherwise.

22. I once met Gordon from Sesame Street at St. Laurent Shopping Center. It was dark, and I asked him to smile because I couldn’t see him. I was 5.

21. In 1997, I had had 2 glasses of wine, and was driving home from a night out. I stopped at a bank to make a deposit in the automatic teller, and was promptly pulled over by the cops. I panicked, because I had two drinks, but they proceeded to ask me if I had robbed the bank. I then noticed that all of the windows at the branch were smashed.

20. I think Tina fey is HOTTT with 3 “t’s”.

19. I often dream about being friends with Bobby DeNiro in real life. In my dreams, we’re often eating frozen yogurt together at a mall, and I call him “Bobby” and “Rob”.

18. I get irritated by people who put “It’s Complicated” in their Facebook statuses, and then proceed to subtly let everyone know what’s going on in their personal lives with status updates like “so and so is: It is better to have loved and learned than to have never loved at all” or “so and so is: my spirit is broken”.

17. I once drove almost 100 km/h into a parked car in a 40 km/h zone. I was 24.

16. When I was younger, people thought I looked like Joey Lawrence. Now, everyone thinks I am Lebanese.

15. My sister is totally obsessed with the P90X workout. Whenever she mentions it to me, I mentally throw a pipe bomb into the P90X offices.

14. Whenever the SHAMWOW! infomercial pops up on the television, I smile. The Germans do make good stuff.

13. I am going to Austin Texas in 49 days for the South by Southwest Music Festival, and I am maximum stoked. I plan to walk off the airplane entirely decked out in American flag clothing that I know I can purchase at the duty free at YOW.

12. There is nothing like a good cup of coffee in the morning, especially a cold winter morning.

11. My mother once ordered an escort for my sister’s 18th birthday party, thinking it was simply a male stripper, from the back of the Ottawa Sun. Well, it was an escort.

10. I have one thing in this world that completely makes me shut down in fear. It’s the La-La-La Human Steps Dance Group.

9. I went to a Latvian wedding a few years back, and maintain it was one of the best times I’ve ever had.

8. Montreal has a certain mystique that I can’t resist, however I hate all Couche Tards.

7. I am advice columnist.

6. The recent bus strike has made me discouraged with the sad state of affairs in Ottawa’s City Hall and I think bus drivers are assholes. Not all, but most.

5. I think everyone is putting WAAAAAAAAAAY too many expectations on Barack Obama.

4. I really want a Great Dane, however, the logistical challenges of making this fit into my life are significant.

3. I have a favorite pair of jeans that I’ve been wearing since 1999. I think they’re still cool.

2. I sometimes wear one of my old Vuarnets to bed as a pajama top.

1. Whenever I see Taylor Swift, I feel like exploding.

So…living in Ottawa is sucking right now. OC Transpo went on strike over a month ago, a first since 1996 in this city. I have to tell you…I haven’t taken a bus since playing video games at the famed Billings Bridge arcade (you could play Golden Axe and Mortal Kombat AND buy a dimebag or get stabbed). I used to take the 144. The famed 144. I’d dread taking that bus, because it would be jammed with about 1000 kids all swaying to and fro with each stop and go. Everyone was standing. They filled those buses up entirely too much. I don’t know what it’s like now, but bus drivers were never very friendly, and I recall a few of them actually pulling one of those asshole big brother moves, and letting people run for the open doors as they pulled away. I even remember one guy keeping the door open long enough to yell “Too Bad/So Sad” while cackling. I hope it’s gotten better. I think bus drivers work hard for their money, especially taking into consideration the day in and day out.

This strike is related to allowing senior drivers the option to choose their shifts. It was negotiated and they have been doing it for a period of time, but it’s proven costly for OC Transpo, and has been identified as an element that, in the city’s opinion, should be changed in an effort to save money. This really only affects senior drivers. With that said, this is contentious enough issue for the drivers that they’ve turned down a salary increase, and have actually accepted a salary decrease in the past to preserve it. The drivers look at this as a right, and something that has been earned and deserved. This also enables senior drivers the ability to better balance work and their family lives. Fair enough.

With that said, I think most people are aware of how badly OC Transpo has been managed in the last 15 years. It’s no secret. The transit system in this city has been plagued by entitlement, and a sour relationship at best between the amalgamated transit union and OC Tranpo’s management. It’s been an “us vs. them” kind of thing for the last while, and the morale at OC Transpo has been said to be very low, an understatement at best. Taking all of this into consideration, and I think it worth to mention that I don’t even take a bus, and haven’t in a long long time, I think the deal that the city is tabling is fair, and considering the economic and political climate we’ve currently just really begun to weather, I can’t help but feel that the drivers should really be looking at this in a different light. Should they cave into what the city is proposing? No…but they should be actively working at articulating their reasoning with the public in a much better way than what they’re doing now, which is just maximum pissing everyone off. I really blame the city for this one to begin with, as it’s historically allowed OC Transpo to cultivate a toxic working environment over the years, creating a situation where the drivers are disenchanted and untrusting with anything that the city or transit’s management proposes or says. As with any kind of highly public issue that affects virtually everyone, the court of public opinion is important. Perception is something that needs to be handled in a delicate way, ESPECIALLY when you’re making people carpool and walk to work in the middle of the holidays. The drivers don’t “strike” me as a lot that particularly cares about this, so I find myself wondering whether their frame of mind includes what the riders and general public think about the situation. I certainly hear regularly about less senior drivers simply just wanting to go back to work. I can’t help but notice that there’s mechanics, administrative staff, and junior drivers who indicate how little of an impact this has on them, and how they’d prefer to simply get back to it, but the thing that is bugging me the most is the fact that the drivers really don’t seem to give a shit about what the riders and the city think. They come off as indifferent, and that is the Union’s biggest disservice to their members. This creates a sense among the public that they are entitled. Whatever issues are at the core of this situation are secondary to the impression that people have developed of OC Transpo drivers. This issue is affected people’s lives everyday that it continues, and I think that the Union has to start taking that into consideration. This is a complete opportunity for the drivers to connect with their riders in an unprecedented way, and I think Andre Cornerllier is lousy at being the mouthpiece to effectively communicate WHY the scheduling issue is as important as it to the drivers. The bottom line is this. Without riders, the drivers have no jobs. The people are what keeps transit rolling. Not the city, and not the drivers. The people who shell out for bus passes, and who take the actual buses are what keep the wheels turning, and in the end, the city’s inability to effectively manage that system has allowed a situation to occur where roughly 2600 people who operate the service day to day have made a significant day to day impact on our town through simply refusing to work.

I think O’Brien’s intentions are good, but I seriously question whether pushing on this issue at the expense of a long winter strike is making this work. If he’s looking at saving money, there should be a review of the independent audit that was conducted for the city, and they should take a look at other areas of savings. I think there should be a long term investment at OC Transpo to turn around the culture there, and improve the morale and pride that the drivers have, decreasing the mistrust for their considered enemies at City Hall and management, and changing what are clearly poisonous perceptions that everyone has of one another….and if I hear someone else say that it’s impossible, they sound to me like exactly the kind of complacent quack asses that OC Transpo has been staffing in management.

So I’ve been getting some slack from friends and even some of my family about the Conservative candidate sign I have on my front lawn. Brian McGarry is my candidate in Carleton Heights, the neighborhood in which I live in, in Ottawa, Canada. I’ve taken a personal poll of how “sizzling” the Canadian election is, with some friends of mine, and everyone seems to be more interested in what’s going on south of the border. Not in their pants….as in…the United States of America. As a young professional, and the parent of twin children, one boy, and one girl, I’ve realized that voting holds some weight with me as I gear into my early thirties. I believe that we’re a generation that is more aware of the democratic process. We’re more educated and interested in knowing the issues (…and there’s more of them now), than for instance, our parents were. I took it upon myself to go door to door to as many baby boomers as I could find (luckily I live in a neighborhood where there is no shortage of them), and literally just rang the doorbell, and introduced myself as an independent citizen seeking answers about the differences in the perception of politics NOW, versus for instance, 1977, which was the year I was born. Some people greeted me with quizzical smiles, some people thought I wasn’t serious, and others simply thought I was the “hippie” Green Party of Canada candidate. I had a bit of fun with it too…introducing myself to two households as the Party Party of Canada candidate. When asked what my plan was, I let them know it was to “get this party started right”, and to “party like it was 1999″ as much as possible, and to deliver 1 copy of Van Wilder to each Canadian household.

Anyways…the point is, the issues that affected our baby boomer parents were a lot more clear cut. It was mostly about maintaining a quality of life, ensuring that their taxes were low, and that neighborhoods were safe. There was less to worry about. NOW…we have the fucking ice caps turning into new lakes, the emerging economies of India and China, globalization, poverty, the plight of Africa, AIDS, and an overall increased element of social awareness and causes that I can guarantee you my parents didn’t think twice about. It’s a different world nowadays.

I’ll tell you right now, I am more interested in what is going on in the U.S. It’s simply more entertaining. Canadian politics has never been about bravado. To the credit of our friends in the House of Commons, it’s less fanfare. It’s more of what politics should be about. By default, the U.S. is THE dramatically most powerful and influential country in the world. Their elections are simply more electrifying, because the leader of the free world is coming into office…and no matter what anyone says…really….it’s just always going to be that way. Americans have “charisma” as a major criteria when considering an elected official. Canadians don’t seem to be as concerned about that kind of thing. Actors become Presidents in the U.S. The coolest guy who was ever Prime Minister was an intellectual with a penchant for wearing roses on his lapel and doing pirouettes behind the Queen of England’s back. Trudeau was a cool cat…sure…. but Reagan shared the screen with Hollywood’s golden age. Fer crissakes, the Governor of California was a Terminator, and the former Governor of Minnesota helped him kick ass in “Predator” and “The Running Man”. That’s just awesome.

As a Canadian, I am dying for someone semi charismatic. Stephen Harper looks as if he’s been therapteucially conditioned not to go postal. It’s like he’s a former outpatient who had violent tendencies, who through years of mental resistance training and drugs, has become a cardboard shell of his former self. I remember him shaking his son’s hand on his kid’s first day at school… in a recent photo op after he became the big cheese. It’s like he could lose it at any time. Jack Layton is that overzealous high school kid desperate to fly the coop out of drama club and perhaps try out for the third string on the football team. He tries too hard. I’d love to vote for the Green Party, as I think the environment is an important issue (however, I am getting sick of saying that…it’s so bandwagonesque…), but I’m not certain making the environment a priority so front and center is a practical solution when we’re dealing with certain financial uncertainty, what many consider a broken health care system, and dual income families struggling with child care requirements and the daily grind while trying to make ends meet. The environment IS important, but isn’t there a nice blend, where we can take care of the here and now, and address tomorrow? Who’s catering to the middle class? At the end of the day…I think it’s Harper’s Tories more than anyone else. Simply based on the position on the issues, he’s got my vote. I’m a lot more comfortable with an economist running the show currently. I think more than ever before, we need to reign in spending, and be cautious through the next few years. We’ve got an expensive war going on in Afghanistan, and we have a potential depression in the United States, coupled with what will probably be a few years of top to bottom changes and reparations in Washington once the new President kicks in.

Let’s phase over into the U.S. There is no shortage of characters there. Barack Obama is about as charismatic and compelling a politician I’ve seen in years. A good combination of well spoken, educated, appealing to Joe and Jane Public, and genuine, he conveys to me…what a good politician should be about. I trust him, and I’m not even American. It’s not so much that I even trust HIM. It’s that I trust of his policies, both perosnal and political. He seems like a logical person with a sense of responsibility. That’s refreshing. There’s some ownership and recognition that there’s a vested interest in doing better. I like that. Sarah Palin is a terrifying concept as a potential President. Matt Damon said it best. McCain has a 1 in 3 chance of not surviving his first term. This woman would be President. The thought of her meeting with European dignitaries, taking into consideration that she’s never even been out of the United States up until very recently, is funny. She is small town to the max. Should there be a prerequisite that you should be well travelled in order to hold, or potentially hold, the highest office in the land? Well, I kind of think so. You’re representing a country. There should be some small element of awareness of what goes on outside of your borders, I think.

Charisma. That’s what we need. Politicians needs to show us that they’re passionate about what they believe. They need to do that more, and they need to do taking into consideration that there is always, no matter how good they may be, warranted distrust and assumptions about who they are and what they do. The most passionate guy in Canadian politics wants to break the country up and build a massive dome over all of Quebec with a huge fleur de lis. At least he’s passionate, and for that matter, he seems to be fairly consistent on his views.

Devendra Banhart once again proves why he’s the bizzomb. I love this guy….plus he’s balls deep in Natalie Portman.