If you’ve Googled “How To Kill A Maenad” or “How Do You Kill Maryann Forrester from True Blood?” then I have good news for you. You have come to the right place. This is directed to all the True Blood fans in Ottawa who essentially put their Sunday nights on lock between 9-10.

This is the bottom line. You can’t kill a Maenad. Maryann Forrester is immortal, and Sam Merlotte has every reason to run. Here’s some clarification on what she is, who she is, and how she is presented in the books by Charlaine Harris, the author of Living Dead in Dallas, the book series that True Blood is based on.

What is a Maenad?

I’ll summarize it here. Maenads were the handmaidens of Dionysus, the Greek God of excess, alcohol, and sex. They were essentially his groupies. His stark raving mad groupies. Think the Beatles, and all of those frenzied girls in Dodger stadium going bananas. This would be an accurate comparison to the kinds of parties that Dionysus used to throw and how these women would react as soon as they got a whiff of his Axe body spray. Suffice it to say, there was a lot more than music going on at these ancient parties. It was more like a lot of sex, booze, and murder. Ritualistic sacrificial murder. The Romans also referred to Dionysus as Bachhus, the drunken God of wine,  as some of you may know him if you ever studied the Iron Age’s mythology. She can’t be killed or reasoned with. Legend suggests that Dionysus made these handmaidens immortal, like him, as companions, and to collect tributes to him, in the form of sacrifice, and in an effort for his legacy not to be forgotten through time, when the world of man changed. She’s older than everyone in True Blood…Godric, Eric, Jesus, you name it. She’s been around forever. That’s the story of what a Maenad is according to Greek mythology, but there are theories that she is also what early man perceived as the embodiment of evil and lack of control. They even intimate on the show that she has a variety of different names…interesting angle.

She attacked Sookie as a gesture to Eric Northman, as he owns Fangtasia, an establishment that sells alcohol. She seeks followers to gain sacrifice for the God she still worships, and essentially acts as an ambassador for. In the show, Eric doesn’t seem to be able to put his finger on who attacked Sookie when she describes her exchange with the beast in the forest, however, in the books, Eric clearly is not aware of what these creatures are capable of, but had had an encounter with one in 1800’s, in Russia, that saw him and some other vampires forced to stake one of their own who had gone mad after coming into contact with a Maenad. In the books, the vampires concede and pay tribute, realizing they are up against a force more powerful than they could have imagined.

Bon Temps is screwed. However, as for those of you who saw last week’s True Blood, Sookie has some ability to physically thwart Maryann, or at least throw her off. I have no idea what this is, but it’ll be interesting to find out. I’m certain that will play some angle tonight..hopefully. Television, even cable television doesn’t follow the scrip to the ‘T”, because then everything would be too predictable.

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I had the pleasure of eating at Luxe Bistro last night, and left with the opinion that this is one of Ottawa’s best restaurants. I’m sure that will piss of some of Ottawa’s more well known foodies who swear by the Gastropub or Beckta (also excellent establishments).  What I really like about the restaurant, besides it’s convenient location, is the French brasserie feel. It’s just a cool spot, and doesn’t come off as pretentious.

Our waiter and sommelier, Neil Gowe, provided friendly and knowledgeable service, and paired a fantastic Argentinian wine with my main course of Steak Frites. The whole table was talking about his selection, as two of us had the Steak Frites. I also had the opportunity to meet with Duane Keats, who is the executive chef there.

If you’re going here, you have to try the fish chowder as an appetizer. One of the best I have ever had. Dinner is pricey, but worth it in my opinion. I know Luxe had a bit of a rocky start, but that seems to have worked itself out as I found this to be worth the money. Has anyone tried Stella Osteria? This is one of the other restaurants that the Firestone Group has in it’s roster besides the Blue Cactus.

In an effort to simply observe and report what is active and prolonged cases of extreme bad taste in individuals in the media spotlight, I’ve started a new category on the Five O’Clock Track Tream. It’s called “Douche Alert”. FYI…when the post says “Xtreme Douche Alert”, it requires you to quite literally put down whatever the hell it is that you’re doing…like I don’t care if you’re getting surgery…and check this out.

Criss Angel. Arguably a good magician, but agreeably by all of humanity, caught in a vortex of thinking he’s in Motley Godsmack, and at this point, a douche in the form of a mid 40’s looking dude to lay as many Playboy bunnies as possible before teleporting himself back to “joisey” to retire as the old Greek man that he will become. Is he an entertainment liability? Yes….but his existence is required to ensure we have a visual reference for reasons as to why our children should at least get their high school diplomas and not get caught up in the popularity game in high school. If my parents had shown me this, there is a good chance I would not have quit University to pursue a career as a drummer in a rock band.

Just watch this video – hurry.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LTVFvavwNdg&eurl=http://azizisbored.tumblr.com/

Hello track teamers,

This post is going to unite us in a way unlike anything we have ever experienced before. I was introduced to the Angry Video Game Nerd recently by a friend, and felt as if a waterfall (a la Duran Duran’s video for The Reflex) of understanding hit my head, as an early thirtysomething former regular Nintendo fanatic. James Rolfe’s video pieces on the most frustrating games made me realize just in fact how much of my early childhood I spent obsessively attempting to perfect certain areas in Nintendo games that were near impossible to figure out. I’m now convinced that they might have had illiterate morons programming code in 16 bit for some of the shit I owned. Like Castelvania 2. I saw this video and had to hit the kickboxing studio to lay out some frustration.

http://www.youtube.com/user/JamesNintendoNerd